The Bible: what I am learning

Never have I sat down and read the Bible for personal time with excitement. I have read devotions books and studied the Bible in church, school and Maranatha. I could get excited about it when others talked and taught me, but I struggled on my own. I had this mind set that it had to be done in a fancy way and each time that I decided to think about it, I overwhelmed myself. Also, I am constantly surrounded by the Bible year round, so I never saw the point. Until recently.

I don't remember how it started, but I began to sit with my friends and join at night while they did devotions together. They were finishing up reading through Acts.

My first thoughts: "k cool, I have heard about Paul since day one, and I studied Acts this summer, so what now?"

But something changed reading it that night. I heard the Bible in a different way that night. No fancy way to do it, but it was words to read. No assignment or looking for an answer. For some reason, that through me for a loop. I stopped trying to look for something and just listened. It felt as if I was back in fourth grade listening to my teacher reading me a book-I was hanging on to every word. The difference was that when the chapter ended on a cliff hanger, we read another chapter :) Devotions became my favorite part of the day.

Yes, I had studied Acts, and heard about Paul my whole life, but I am learning something new every day. I never knew that when Paul was persecuted and kicked out of a city, HE WENT BACK. He is so cool. I love Paul! Now we have moved into Romans and I just can't get enough of it. There is so much jam packed into those chapters. Being away on Thanksgiving, I still can't wait to read my Bible. I have so much excitement about the Bible and I love seeing how it applies to my every day life.

I know it is not always going to be perfect and I am not always going to want to read it at all, but I am learning.
I am learning it is not about a fancy way. It is about me and the words, hearing what Jesus has to say.  I am learning that the Bible is not an assignment that I need to complete.
I am learning how when I am meditating on the words, they come back to me the next day usually when I need them most.
The Bible is not going to make me perfect, but I am going to grow.
But the biggest lesson that I have learned is that I DO have time. I always lay in my bed and play on my phone, or watch a TV show. If I just make the chance in the way I am spending my time-I have no excuse.

God is good.


No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. Romans 4:20-21
          

Mr. Looman {{memories}}

Fifth grade to twelfth grade the class of 2013 was blessed to have Mr. Looman as our teacher. He was apart of our lives. The memories are too numerous to count and more and more come to mind as the days go on, but these are just a few examples. These were put together for Mrs. Looman, but everyone else should have a chance to share in these too. 

Mr. Looman

 got out all the music for Oh Holy Night because I wanted to play it. 

 taught me to calm my nerves before performances.

 would play Star Wars music with me after school.

played the Michigan Fight song on his trombone in the halls when Michigan won.

always gave the top practicer a chocolate bar in elementary school-I won!

and I had a running joke that we would play Walk This Way for pep band.

 got Call Me Maybe for pep band because we asked for it.

bought me a pizza three times throughout high school to make up for the ones he owed me during elementary and middle school.

and I had countless MSU vs. Michigan fights.

made all the boys stop and text their mommies in New York.

always made the music seem magical and unreal. I remember being so grateful that my seat was in the middle of the band because sometimes I would close my eyes and just listen to the music. It was hard to believe that it was our band playing the music I heard. He had a way of pulling the best out of us.

knew every word to the Calvin Christian High School fight song and sang it loud and proud during class.

always used the screaming lady: WAAN TWOOO THREE FOOORRR WAAN TWOOO TREEE FOOORRR. We would all just start laughing. Pretty soon, Mr. Looman started imitating it himself. 

decided that as a new exercise we were going to do breathing, stretching, and balloons at the beginning of class. I remember thinking that it was crazy, but then I realized, it was actually working. He always poured every bit of himself into his teaching by learning new techniques that only made us better. 

always bought us donuts after concerts, even when we didn't deserve them.

said he would take us to Great Wolf Lodge if we got all 1's in festival for middle school. Both years of middle school our band never made it to that point. We were quite bitter about this freshman year and vented to him. He told us that if we played in band for the next four years he would take us. In fact, we made him sign a sticky note to keep it true. A simple sticky note with his signature. 

did devotionals every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It was my favorite part of the morning. They were always perfect. The last one that he read to us was about how God had a reason for everything. How much did I need those words as I am still clinging to that promise.  

greeted us at the door singing, "Good morning, good morning, gooood morning!" He wanted us to be pumped at 7:48 A.M. 

never made us hand in practice records.

ripped his pants right before festival, but laughed about it the entire night.

was going to surprise us. Us seniors had asked to play all of our old music after festival and he said no, but when we went into his office after festival, Pirates of the Caribbean was on his desk.

 always stood by the door after band saying, "be good."

let us complain about everything and never got angry.

had us warm up by playing 1, 3, 5 which just turned into us playing chaotically, but he allowed it.

let us play percussion for songs if we were chosen. 

tried to keep us quiet with bribing us with candy for the quietest section in elementary school.

told me I couldn't play flute because "I had too big of a mouth, in more than one way."

was never in the hallway without his coffee mug.

was always kind to me. Even though I sat with horrible posture and talked in class everyday, he was patient and always in a good mood.

said all the time, "This is just an opportunity for us to show how Christians act."

had sweat dripping down his forehead and wiped it with his towel during a performance.

bragged during class about he was able to beat other teachers like Mr. Adema, Mr. Overvoorde in bike races regardless of his age. He did it too!

always was tapping the pulse on his chest and taking a huge breath before beginning a song.

did a sigh of relief with a smile and a "Good Job" after every song regardless of how we played.

always encouraged me with my solos, no matter how bad they sounded.

never stopped moving. Junior year when it was pouring rain during the festival, the van got stuck at the loading dock. Mr. Looman appointed people to push the van out of the mud and went on as if nothing had happened.

always came up to talk to me when I saw him in random places like biking on a trail.

When Mr. Looman asked our band if we should go onto state festival senior year, everyone said no except me, so we went.

woke me up during band when I fell asleep to let me know my part was next.

fought for his band. When he heard that numbers might be lower, he gave us a lecture. That is the only time I remember him being angry. He told us all the benefits of music and what it does. Told us that he would just quit and go drive trucks if he didn't have a band. Next year, we had a band bigger than the last. 

always saw me texting in band or doing homework, but never yelled at me.

was open with us, especially when he lost his dad. He told us, while crying and prayed with us. It was such a special moment. 

told us the meaning and stories of songs over and over again. We secretly loved it.

always was happy. The simple joyful smile that filled his face when he was teaching or lost in the music.

never let the tire popping on the way to the festival stop his attitude for the day.

made us chant in Sang, which was ridiculous at first, but it turned into a favorite song fast!

let me get away with talking all the time and never changed my seat, as many times as he threatened.

gave me private trumpet lessons during the summers of middle school and going into high school. He gave me a Phantom of the Opera book and wanted me to play from there. I didn't like it because I didn't know the music or understand the play. He promised me that one day he'd show it to me. This spring when we took our trip to New York and saw Phantom of the Opera, his promise came true. After he died, I went back and found that book and the last song in the book is called "Wishing You Were Here Somehow Again."Boy, do I wish that were true.

never let anything stop him from accomplishing his goals.

hands down was everyone's favorite.

loved us more than anything and made sure we knew it. It was impossible to be around him and not know it.

made the music come alive. When we played, I couldn't believe it was us. He had a way of pulling the best from us and making it magical. It was more than band class. 

We loved him more than anything. Mr. Looman was more than a teacher to us. 

He was a mentor, father figure, and a role model. 

Love, seniors '13

That One Thing

It defines you. The guilt over powers and dictates your life. It is that one thing.

That one thing you wish was not a part of you. You promised yourself you were done. The words it will never happen again so often tumble out of your mouth as an empty promise. You wish that to be true, but you do not believe it is possible. You desperately long for the day it is not a part of your life, but looking ahead, no finish line is in sight.  At the time, it seemed like the only way, even though you know you had a choice. Sometimes choosing the wrong is easier than what is right.

It is that one thing that sits in your mind and gibes the core of which you are as a person. The reflection of you in the mirror seems distorted and it feels hopeless to find beauty staring back. It defines you. When people look at you, you assume it is how they define who you are as well. If given a chance, it would be erased from the past, present, and future.

That one thing which gives you a pit in the stomach and make you feel you nauseous thinking about it. Why me is the question pondered frequently. No one will understand or care is the lie your heart listens to daily.

That one thing is what makes you feel worthless and unloved. Hiding from God is natural because why or how could God love me if this is a part of who I am? It makes you think less of who you are and the potential you hold.

If only [   ]…then [    ] taunts from your thoughts.

Fear dominates at the idea of anyone finding out because then that…is how they will define you as well. It is already bad enough because it defines and controls you.

You feel hopeless because it is so much easier to beat yourself up than look at the truth. The truth that destroys all fears and brings freedom from darkness.

The truth says:

God is there. God celebrates the small steps. He does not expect perfection, only progress. He becomes ecstatic each time you turn to him instead of that one thing. There is victory in the small. God does not define you by that one thing. Let me repeat that, the Creator of the Earth who holds all of the power in the world-looks at you and sees his child. God loves without condition.

No person is perfect. Every person has that one thing; you, the person two feet away from you, and the person on the polar end of the world. Everyone is broken. The brokenness is what makes you beautiful because it lets God put it back. So no matter what comes to mind as that one thing. Know it does not define because only God can. God is pursuing you all the time with his arms wide open.

So that one thing? The guilt and shame? Psh, you have a God that makes you whiter than snow.

http://speakingofrealestate.blogs.realtor.org/files/2011/06/7ds.jpg

xoxo, Han 

Reflection at 1 a.m.

I am not a fan of going to sleep early. I am by far a night person. Hence, I love to sleep in until noon because I stayed up until the early hours of the morning. Why? I do not know. I wish sometimes that I liked to wake up early because I feel more productive with my day when I get up early. I think right now, I am just making up for all the sleep I did not get last semester. That is my excuse anyway.

So, last night around around 1 a.m, I decided that me having deep thoughts about things would be a good idea. I started thinking about my major. Should I stay in early childhood, or switch to elementary with my focus on english and reading, ooorr, should I go to family studies and psychology. For some reason I had this idea that I could figure it all out last night. I was on the computer looking up majors and classes thinking through all these majors. I think it finally hit me that it was not a smart decision when I started to look up math majors like being an accountant. I knew there was a problem then. I don't like math, never have, so why on earth was I looking up that major?! 1 a.m. problems.

I wanted an answer. I wanted to feel no hesitation about my future or any aspect of it. That is ridiculous, but it is what we always do. Just want to know the answers for what is coming. At least I do, I am not a fan of the unknown. I was not accomplishing anything except driving myself crazy. I was not going to get an answer last night about my major, what my job was going to be, who I was going to marry, how many kids I was going to have, or if I was going to have a pet. Yes, I was being ridiculous. Somehow at 1 a.m. it was logical.

Before I turned out the lights, I pulled out my Jesus Calling devotional. I am not consistent with doing devotions, but it is getting better. Some days I do it because I know I should, and others I do because I remember God is the only thing that can keep me going. As always, the devotional hit it right on being exactly what I needed to hear. (I have this theory that Jesus always sneaks into the book right before I open it and rewrites it because it is always dead on.) God is too cool and never fails to show it! The devotional from last night was perfect, as well as the one from today.

The lines that hit me the most from last night…

"Refresh yourself in the Peace of My Presence. This peace can be your portion at all times and in all circumstances….I am both with you and within you. I go before you to open up the way, and I also walk alongside of you. There could never be another companion as devoted as I am."

This morning…

"I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, 'I trust you Jesus', in response to whatever happens to you….Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in me no matter what."

In the midst of all that unnecessary trust at 1 a.m. of the peace I felt after reading God's words was enormous. It only continued this morning. Time to refocus. Not sitting here stressing about anything, but better yet, waking up in the morning and surrendering my day to Jesus and asking that I follow his calling. I will end up where I need to be one way or another, so trying to figure it out in one day isn't needed or will it work. That's what I need to be reminding myself of everyday.  Phew, let me just breath a sigh of relief that I am not in charge of my future.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

xoxo, Han

Eat the Donut

Today at Krispy Creme a person could get a dozen of donuts for free if one dressed up as a pirate! Awesome right? So living in the awesome dorm I do, a few girls went out and got some donuts. It was a pleasant surprise being woken up from a nap with Genna holding out a box of donuts in front of my face. So I enjoyed my donut. It was fantastic, if I do say so myself.

After my donut, the roomie and I got ready to go swimming. As I was getting ready, I heard screams in the hallway, "Don't eat it, don't do it, don't eat the donut!" I walked out to see what was going on. "Don't do it. Don't eat the donut, it will make you fat. It has more carbs than bagels!"
Now, don't get me wrong. We all love each other on our floor. As it turns out the girl getting the reminder had been asking people to keep her accountable on all the sweets she had been eating, so all of it was in love. But it struck a nerve.

"Don't eat the donut." "It will make you fat." That is what society tells girls. Those lies of enjoying one dessert will immediately make you fat. NO WONDER girls, and even guys, struggle with their body image. Media has drilled the mind set
 desserts, carbs, or sugar = weight gain ---> Weight gain=ugly.
I know that sweets are not good for me, but ONE dessert is not going to define my weight or body.

I struggled with body image. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror. The number on the scale defined me. I believed when people saw me they saw what I chose to see in the reflection. I would chose the salad over the cheese burger because I feared after one meal my body would transform. How dumb is that? Trust me, it is dumb. I am not saying I am perfect and I never hate what I see or wish I could change a part of me. I am saying, I am comfortable with my body. I know I am beautiful the way I am. Not because of my body type, but simply because Jesus created me.

When I look at my friends I do not look at their body and wonder why they didn't do a few more sit ups in their workout. I see their smiles light up a room and the kind words they say to a person. So why would I do it to myself?

So, eat what you want, in healthy portions. Don't deprive yourself of a treat because you are so worried about your body. If you want a treat, then I say go for it. If it has been a rough day eat some chocolate or ice cream, or even on a good day(: Stop, stop, stop, making the media's words the truth in your head.  If you want a donut then go ahead, you will still be beautiful after you eat it.

"Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

xoxo, Han

Change. Change. Change.

     I move into college in nine days...just over a week. Wait, what? I can still remember the first day of middle school, then I blinked- now I am anticipating college. Time flew. I grew up. (Anndd, now I am starting to talk like my mom.)
      I have been in a whirl wind of rapid change within the last week and have not had a moment to stop and breathe, until now.
     On Thursday, I said goodbye to my friends at Maranatha. The friends I made there this past year have become some of my favorite people in the world. The happy moment of the goodbye was gaining two fish when my water bottle was returned to me...until they died later that night, but that is besides the point. I could go on for hours on how much God blessed me through their friendships this summer. I miss all of them like crazy already. Right after, I headed home for a goodbye party for my best friend. It was refreshing to be reunited with my group of friends, but weird because people were already missing. I know many people are not able to say this, but I was blessed with an AMAZING group of friends in high school.
     Friday, I spent the day starting to pack up my room which is not fun because I hate the long process of cleaning. I finished as quickly as I could and passed the approval of my parents.
     Then...I finally did what I had been waiting so long for yet dreading. Rachel, Michal and I went to visit Mr. Looman's memorial. There is a tree planted in Millennium Park with a sign and his name. It has almost been four months since he was killed, but it still doesn't feel real. Us girls went to sit down by the lake which was located behind the tree. As we looked out at the water, we talked about all the memories we all held so dearly. Visiting was able to give me a sense of peace and bring me to a new place of healing.
     Late afternoon on Friday, I was on my way to Tennessee with my best friend, her parents and cousin. I spent the weekend in Tennessee moving Rachel into college. We had talked about this for months, but it just didn't feel real. We were able to create many more memories like screaming in the hotel pool at night, horse riding through the woods, or just eating mac n cheese with hot dogs because we wanted it. Leaving her Saturday in her dorm was like a dream. I hugged her tight and tried not to cry because I had promised no tears. I turned around and walked out (of course the tears came then) as I was trying to comprehend what was happening. I know without a doubt Tennessee is the place for her. I see the love in her eyes. Knowing how she is going to succeed and impact people just like she has me there made it easier. Still selfishly, I wanted to grab her and just take her back to the car. I miss her, so, much.
     More change. I am headed back out to Maranatha today to finish out the week of work, then I have a couple days off, then I move into college...LIKE WHAT?! Meeeppp, so much is happening!
   

The adjustment period of change has been hectic, but I wouldn't change the memories so far. 

But, this girl is SO ready for college. Ready to pursue my dreams, grow in my faith, meet new people, create new memories, and maybe even fall in love (haha). I cannot wait to see where God takes me in this world. He helped me through the unimaginable and I know He is carrying me every step of the way. 

So this is ME. I am HANNAH.These are my KNIGHT DAYS. 

"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

xoxo, Han