Reflection at 1 a.m.

I am not a fan of going to sleep early. I am by far a night person. Hence, I love to sleep in until noon because I stayed up until the early hours of the morning. Why? I do not know. I wish sometimes that I liked to wake up early because I feel more productive with my day when I get up early. I think right now, I am just making up for all the sleep I did not get last semester. That is my excuse anyway.

So, last night around around 1 a.m, I decided that me having deep thoughts about things would be a good idea. I started thinking about my major. Should I stay in early childhood, or switch to elementary with my focus on english and reading, ooorr, should I go to family studies and psychology. For some reason I had this idea that I could figure it all out last night. I was on the computer looking up majors and classes thinking through all these majors. I think it finally hit me that it was not a smart decision when I started to look up math majors like being an accountant. I knew there was a problem then. I don't like math, never have, so why on earth was I looking up that major?! 1 a.m. problems.

I wanted an answer. I wanted to feel no hesitation about my future or any aspect of it. That is ridiculous, but it is what we always do. Just want to know the answers for what is coming. At least I do, I am not a fan of the unknown. I was not accomplishing anything except driving myself crazy. I was not going to get an answer last night about my major, what my job was going to be, who I was going to marry, how many kids I was going to have, or if I was going to have a pet. Yes, I was being ridiculous. Somehow at 1 a.m. it was logical.

Before I turned out the lights, I pulled out my Jesus Calling devotional. I am not consistent with doing devotions, but it is getting better. Some days I do it because I know I should, and others I do because I remember God is the only thing that can keep me going. As always, the devotional hit it right on being exactly what I needed to hear. (I have this theory that Jesus always sneaks into the book right before I open it and rewrites it because it is always dead on.) God is too cool and never fails to show it! The devotional from last night was perfect, as well as the one from today.

The lines that hit me the most from last night…

"Refresh yourself in the Peace of My Presence. This peace can be your portion at all times and in all circumstances….I am both with you and within you. I go before you to open up the way, and I also walk alongside of you. There could never be another companion as devoted as I am."

This morning…

"I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, 'I trust you Jesus', in response to whatever happens to you….Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in me no matter what."

In the midst of all that unnecessary trust at 1 a.m. of the peace I felt after reading God's words was enormous. It only continued this morning. Time to refocus. Not sitting here stressing about anything, but better yet, waking up in the morning and surrendering my day to Jesus and asking that I follow his calling. I will end up where I need to be one way or another, so trying to figure it out in one day isn't needed or will it work. That's what I need to be reminding myself of everyday.  Phew, let me just breath a sigh of relief that I am not in charge of my future.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

xoxo, Han